Book Review: “It’s So Much Work to Be Your Friend” by Richard Lavoie (2005)

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"Enhancing the quality of life for all individuals with learning disabilities and their families though advocacy, education, training, service and support of research."

Book Review: “It’s So Much Work to Be Your Friend” by Richard Lavoie (2005)
Loreena Parks, Assistant Professor, Eastern Michigan University

The title itself might not have you thinking that this is a book about social skills. However, the fine print goes on to say … “Helping the Child with Learning Disabilities Find Social Success”.

This is not just a book for parents, administrators and educators of student’s with learning disabilities. The material could be used by anyone who is in the position of helping another to improve their social skills and subsequent success and happiness in their daily lives. As I read this book I actually started to identify areas where I could use some polishing up of my own social skills; I also shared this wonderful resource with the university students I teach.

It is not uncommon to hear parents, teachers, and administrators talking about how students today are lacking in the social skills area. If you are looking for useful methods to teach social skills, consider purchasing this book.

Richard Lavoie shares real life examples and proven strategies from his many years of work as a teacher and an administrator at a resident special education facility. He stresses that not only do individuals with learning disabilities have academic and processing difficulties, but they also have difficulty with social proficiency and acceptance. These students are mocked, bullied, often sit alone, and receive no phone calls or invitations. This book not only addresses social success in school, but at home and in the community as well. Mr. Lavoie offers a plethora of ideas describing how to help children with learning disabilities move from being picked on and isolated to be accepted and involved.

This book is a “must buy” if you are working on social skills with any school age children. Everything revolves around the “four key social skills:

1.      ability to join or enter a group,
2.      ability to establish and maintain friendships,
3.      ability to resolve conflict, and
4.      ability to ‘tune in’ to social skills.”

“It’s so Much Work to be Your Friend” includes a menu of wonderful topics.

Informal social skills assessments for parents
The “social skill autopsy” technique
“Zero order skills”
Treatment and coping strategies for anxiety
Discerning if one’s child has an anxiety problem by considering the three C’s (change, chronic, clusters)
Dealing with the “social side of language”
Teaching the basics of conversation
Utilizing “paralinguistics” (nonverbal language)
How voice tone communicates
Standing too close or too far away from someone
How students with ADD have a difficult time with sharing, waiting their turn, and following rules
Ordering and structuring the disorganized child
Advice to children with learning or social problems about siblings
Helping students find friends, be a good host, visit relatives, have overnight guests, etc.
Dealing with school issues of teasing, intimidation, harassment, bullies, peer pressure, self-esteem, hidden curriculums, pleasing the teachers, etc.
Appropriate social skills in public places

All in all, this is a useful, well written book that offers clear and insightful strategies for coping with, and helping the student with learning disabilities. This is a book that was certainly needed. Thank you Rick Lavoie!